Welcome to an Independence Day Celebration
at
Ye Olde Royal Playhouse

Featuring Speakers Samuall and Bitsy,
who will tell us what independence means to them.

 

Hay guyz, wat duz indupendunce meen too me?
It meenz knot haffin two wurk myown tale off fur nuttin!
It meenz bein abel too joyn mine budz at Paddy's weneffer I wants.
Itt meenz knot haffin two wate on Bitesy hannd an fut!
Speekin ov witch, how are Bitesy an da Liburty Bell alyke?
Dat's eazy...dey iz bofe crakked!

(drum roll)

Siriusley foaks, Bitesy iz a lott lyke Marrtha Warshintun,
Cuz shee hasta warsh a ton wen shee taiks a baff!

(rim shot)

Bitesy iz a memfur ov da Fatt iz Funn Klubb. Alls I kin say iz,
if Fatt iz Funn, Bitesy haz moar fun dan ennywun. Hee hee!

(canned laughter)

I cud goe on lyke dis fur ours, butt heer shee kums,soe foaks,
I giff youse Bitesy!

(how I wishes I cud.)

 

 

 

Good evening, Kitties! Appurently Samuall does not appurrciate
the solemnity of this occasion, or he would show purroper respect
fur his Queen and Country. I suspect it is because he is only a
lackey. Why, you might ask, is he a lackey?

He is a lackey because he lackee the sense to be anything else!

(Chinese gong)

Yes, folks, Samuall is so dumb that he thinks a Coup de Grace is
Amazing Grace's sisfur! Tee hee!

(audience groans)

But I digress! I am here to speak about independence, and
what it means to me. Well kitties, independence means being
a Queen, and having efurrything handed to you on a silver
platter. It means being waited on hand and foot, being the
master of all one surveys, being petted by humans, being
fed plentifully and frequently, and...well, all this talk has
made me drowsy, so I'm off fur a snack and a nap befur
Samuall brings my dinner. Good night to you all, and...

 

Happy Independence Day!